Life Lessons: Bullying & How I Taught My Child They Are Not Alone

I have three children if you are new to my blog.  I have an almost 16 year old (Lord, help me), a 13 year old and a seven year old.  They are all very different. I love them unconditionally.  What I want to share with you is something that happens a lot in the past few years and is escalating. Bullying. I had it hit home with me last year with my 13 year old. Her best friend here is now being bullied by other girls who claim to be her friend.  One of them has been friends with her since she was in second grade.  Where is the loyalty? What is wrong with these children? One thing I see clearly that I want to share with you that may help you or someone you know, don't depend on the school for help.

Before we get into the "why" of that statement let me tell you what I won't do...call up some kid's parents and complain.  Nope. Don't do that. This is what I am seeing from my own experience in the workplace, this 20-30 age bracket right now can't function and want to be spoon fed information when that they need to do is troubleshoot and figure it out before yelling "Help!" I mean I have everything you could ever want for every thing imaginable in a manual just in case. They can't even look at it! They don't and won't. I have had in happen over and over in the work place.  Parents are bailing their kids out of troubles of all kinds left and right. Why? Can't they make mistakes and fall on their faces? We did. We learned a lot from trial and error.  These are life lessons that we need to be teaching them. I am not saying I would not intervene if it was serious, but these kids are disrespectful and depend on their parents to save them.  

When my daughter was being bullied at school last fall, I told her to talk to her counselor.  She did. the counselor called in her friends separately and got statements. They all matched.  Nothing was done.  It continued.  I told her to go back to the counselor and I would follow up if needed. She spoke to her counselor at school once more and I got a phone call. She was handling it and told me that the teachers would be told in case they noticed anything they could help out. Well, guess what? The teachers weren't told diddly crap. I found out because I asked them during conferences.  The saddest part of all...this girl doing the bullying...she was a CHEERLEADER! A school representative that probably had some moral code to upkeep. The most aggravating part was this...the teachers were not shocked. Not one bit. Seems Little Miss Angry Pants has been the thorn in many a girl's and boy's side. Sooooooo, we allow children to do this. Where is the Zero Tolerance Policy? It is not being upheld.  Luckily we moved just two weeks after that, but that doesn't help the countless others left in her wake. Here are some facts about bullying:

1. Over 3.2 million students are victims of bullying each year. 
2. Approximately 160,000 teens skip school every day because of bullying.
3. 1 in 4 teachers see nothing wrong with bullying and will only intervene 4% of the time.

(dosomething.org) for their full list and how you can help.

Which brings me to her friend. This little gal had trouble last fall as well at the school my daughter now attends as well.  Things got so bad I heard that her mother had to go to the Administration building because nothing was being done about the situation. Why is this not being nipped in the bud? Why is this even a thing? This wasn't an issue when we grew up. I don't get it.  Who is to blame? I think there are a lot of factors. But I won't point the finger of blame.

Let me tell you what I will do...I will advocate for my children.  I will let them learn to handle things first and try their best so that as a parent, I do not get involved.  It will help them be self sufficient and learn to troubleshoot.  This is a social and life skill that I see failing so much that 20-somethings are entering the workplace and flake out because they don't know how to troubleshoot due to mommy and daddy did everything for them. I want my children to be strong adults with coping mechanisms.

So yes, I will jump in, but ONLY if absolutely necessary.  This is where the rubber meets the road...these parents? The ones that start dialing teachers and schools right out of the chute? They are the ones that look crazy more often than not (speaking from my experience) their kids are the ones whose doorstep the trouble can be traced back to.  You know that old phrase, "guilty dog barks first"? It was created for a reason...most often times it is true.  That isn't always true, but I am not going to defend the statement. This also has caused teachers to turn a deaf ear on most cases because they hear too much too often. So stop calling over every little thing. Try talking to your children. It helps everyone involved.

Most of you parents should get the point I am trying to make.

• We have to let our children make mistakes and learn from them. 
• We have to guide them on how to solve their problems, not solve the problems for them.
• We have to counsel them on the right and wrongs of social skills and settings; these life lessons are so crucial.
• We have to be mindful of children's feelings an teach them to do the same for others.

I could go on and make a list a mile long.  I have spent some time working in school with children so that I can have more time for my own. This is what I have learned and seen that as parents, that needs to be addressed to stamp out this epidemic of bullying. I love my kids and will fight to death for them if needed, but we are raising some weak minded, disrespectful kids. I hate to see bullying in our schools; if you see it, do what you can to help. As parents, it is up to us to stop it. It starts in the home.

Why did I write this article? I say in my Growth Pixie blog the importance of identifying a problem, and how to solve it. That is what readers want.  This is why I wrote this story:
My daughter learned to not be afraid. She is very timid by nature. She learned to advocate for herself. They expect a lot out of them as they get older in school.  She learned that she is not alone and that there are others who can help; you just have to look hard sometimes.

• You need to learn to talk to adults about problematic situations of any kind. 
• She learned that it is okay to seek help and that there are people here to help. (Like her teachers that once they were told, kept a closer eye on the situation.)
• I talked to her about situations of many kinds so that she learned the difference between dangerous situations and her safety and those that she could turn to her counselor for help.
• I have created a child that can talk to me about anything and everything and that she does not have to be afraid. She is not alone. None of them are. 
• You have to have open communications. No child should suffer alone in the darkness that they have created for themselves.

I am not perfect nor are my children, but as parents we have to share valuable information and insights to help one another, not tear each other down. Talk to your children and talk to each other. We are all in this together, this shaping of the next generation.  This change, it starts with us.

Living with Fibromyalgia: My Struggle to Get My Life Back

Since I got such a great response with such a personal story last time, I felt encouraged enough to do so again. I mean, I always tell it like it is. I don’t sugar coat anything. If you need that, you must be under 18 or something. We are adults. Grown women with real life issues.  I wanted to share with you how I have triumphed over my Fibromyalgia in hopes that any of this advice can help just one person, then that is enough.

I was diagnosed in 1998 at a very young age. It was after a horrible herniated disc episode in my lower lumbar region. I had no idea what to do to fix this this thing the called “FM”; at that time only a few people had heard of it, let alone treated it.

My doctor suffered himself, so that was a blessing. He understood me.  I was young and bounced back with little impairment from it. Fast forward to after having my second child.  My body was not being kind to me.  I had migraines all the time, horrible aches and pains and the fatigue was unbearable.  There were times when I lay my two daughters down for a nap and barely made it to the couch to take one myself.  I would be in tears from the shear agony of the weight of the fatigue I felt.  This went on for a few years and it got better, as it normally relapses and then I suffer and then I would be fine...once again.

I met a doctor at the East Texas Medical Center that was a fairly distinguished neurosurgeon and an expert in the field of FM.  The medicines that I were prescribed had side effects that were way worse than the FM (the truth) so I suffered in silence.

After my third child in 2009, the pain in my hips were awful.  For those of you who are not familiar with this condition, here is the scientific definition as used by the Mayo Clinic:

“Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals.

Women are much more likely to develop fibromyalgia than are men. Many people who have fibromyalgia also have tension headaches, temporomandibular joint (TMJ) disorders, irritable bowel syndrome, anxiety and depression.” Click for the full article here.

I was a textbook example of my condition. I was working as a para-educator at the kids’ school to be more available as a parent, and the classroom smelled good all the time due to the fact that I heated a rice sock in the waist band for one hip, ALL DAY. EVERY DAY. The only relief I had. This is where the depression comes in.  You become hard to live with. I own that. Then the unimaginable happened.  In an unrelated accident, I fell down a massive flight of stairs.  I suffered severe shoulder and knee injuries. I was immobile for months. The swelling was so bad in my knees it took months before they could perform surgery. I don’t care how good you eat, you gain weight if you don’t move. That is just a sad fact.  I was the biggest I had ever been in my life.  Depression escalated, marital problems ensued, my husband got laid off...you can get the image here for yourself.  This was a horrible situation.  

After the surgery, I suffered a blood clot...I was terrified that I would die. They assured me that due to location in my leg, it was unlikely.  

I got better and life slowly got back to normal.  My husband got a job out of state making an excellent salary and drove home once or twice a month. Still stressful, but we were on the mend. I went to make a regular trip to Texas to visit my parents and have a get together with my high school friends. I saw the pictures. I wanted to crawl in a hole.  I was fat.  Like FAT. That is not only hard for my vanity, it is so unhealthy.  I can own that I was fat.  People who get all up in arms about offending others, forget it.  I was fat and I will tell you I was and it is not good for your HEALTH.  That is not who I was and did not want to be.  The health reasons alone were enough. The FM was exaggerated due to the extra weight. By extra, I am talking I am 5’4 and weighed 226.  

This is my before and after pictures..

I don’t even look the same. I initially lost 80 pounds starting in August of 2011. I had tried every diet known to man, cheap and expensive. Nothing worked.  I used HCG and initially lost 40 pounds. That was the kick to get me in gear. I could do this. Plus, I was much healthier now and actually began to work out. I started using an app called My Fitness Pal and could not believe my food journal. All that stuff that I thought wasn’t too bad, was horrible. I was eating around 3000 or so calories a day and didn’t even realize it. You just don’t get what you are putting into your mouth until you see it in black and white. SOo it made my transition easy form HCG to real life food awareness for the future.

I started reading up on the Paleo diet. Which isn’t a diet...I hate that word. It was a lifestyle change. I cut out all bad refined carbs and sugars. I ate nothing that wasn't natural, nothing processed. No dairy.  Holy cow (no pun intended). Let me tell you what, the weight fell off.  Then I got to feeling better because my mood was lifted as well; I started walking, then jogging then even used tough exercise videos. I was in the best shape of my life; I did my first 5k the following spring.  I felt amazing. I looked amazing.  I played with my children.  I didn’t say “no” every time they asked like I did in the past.  I am not a doctor and can not prescribe a regimen for you. You have to take that first step to improve yourself. If I can get off my lazy behind, so can you.  Play with your kids, run around, be silly.  Life looks a lot better when you are actually living it.

Trials of Summer- Tire Swing How To

Summer is in full swing (pun intended) and we wanted something fun for the kids and we have the best yard and trees...I was like "tire swing!" My husband gave me the look that he knows this is all on him. But t was easy and a great idea, what are you going to do?

Here is the easiet $30 ish dollars we have spent with every kid's perfect outdoor plaything...a tire swing.  Here are the steps broken down with instructions.  It really is the easiest thing you will do all summer.  We got a free used Cooper tire.

We bought the rope and there cans of spray paint from Home Depot. So easy I could have done myself, but why do it when I have the hubby around to do it...plus he loves this stuff.  His childhood was not the best; he enjoys making all these perfect touches to our children's lives.  Memories that will be in their hearts forever.  Things he did not get to do...ever. But I digress from the joy of summer.

Here we go!

+

1. SCRUB HARD, You have to get this sucker clean so that the paint will adhere. Plus they had a lot of fun doing this together.

2. We tried with three holes to start, but it wasn't enough to drain very fast. Five was the magic number for us. It must drain all the rainwater so it won't get nasty.

3. Spray paint in a well vented area. Outside of course! It took three coats, but we are doing one more over this weekend to cover a little better.

4. Dry, then rotate and do the part that it was resting on obviously. It is so pretty...color choosing was the fun part.  We went with Buckeye Red. Go Bucks!

5.Make sure you have a sturdy branch...we are not responsible if you do not. Get it? We used 40 ft. of rope as seen here.  We will have to adjust again this weekend.  It stretches pretty quickly.

That is it. Childhood dream made simple.  We checked a lot of sources and felt these were the best.

Be safe and enjoy your swing and your summer!

How to Wow with This Easy Chicken Queso Dish

Chicken is a staple of my diet for health reasons, and I like to keep it from getting boring.  Especially when you have guests.  Dinners should be budget friendly and delicious.  Sometimes these two things are hard to put in the same crockpot so to speak. I took a recipe from www.thepinningmama.com  and made it way easier for me.  Kind of what I do.  When I have guests, I want to visit, not cook forever. This is a great recipe and you can easily prep ahead. The recipe on the pinning mama's website has you baking all this in one pan, which you can see on the link above.  I am just weird about how I cook chicken.

Chicken Queso Dish
4 large chicken breasts grilled
Prepare two cups two cups rice, quinoa is my preference
Mix in a bowl, drained cans of:
corn
black beans
Add a can of Rotel to corn and bean mixture

To serve:
Plate your rice or quinoa
Add your chicken portion and top with corn, Rotel, bean mixture
Add cheese sauce from a can if you want to live on the edge or top with a healthier version
Serve with avocado slices for an added protein and good fatty boost

It is colorful and delicious. And overall, not a bad choice health wise.

For a breakfast treat while my sister in law Kayla and her son were here, I also made a chocolate crescent roll breakfast casserole. Hold on to your taste buds, it's about to get real up in here.

Take two cans of crescent rolls and pinch them up on a greased 13 x 9 pan.  Cover generously in chocolate chips. I didn't quite use the whole bag. Click here for the recipe on www.plainchicken.com entitled Chocolate Croissant Breakfast Bake. Chocolate, Cream Cheese and Croissants, oh my!

First off let me tell you...it is worth the calories. You can't even eat a normal sized potion.  It is so decadent, your eyes will roll back in your head.  Not even joking.
The next time you want to wow your guests or bring something unique to a potluck or sign up at school to bring a breakfast or dessert (it works as both), you will be the new "it" mom and will be requested to make in the future.  This totally lives up to the hype.  I don't think I have ever made something so delicious that was so easy.  This dish is beautiful plated with some powedered sugar on it.  I am telling you this was the greatest find I have ever seen on Pinterest.

Now that you have a unique dinner and breakfast that will serve up a few hungry relatives, enjoy saying "Yes, we'd love to have you come for a week!" because you are prepared with a standout meal.

I will be posting later this week to play catch up after my vacation and road trip to my best friend's wedding.  The trip was a success and we all made it out alive.  Tired, but alive.  The next post will include a few other handy, fast, and crowd pleasing breakfasts for your house guests that will have you becoming the hostess with the mostess.  I guarantee!

Enjoy!

Trials of a Road Trip Warrior

So here is the latest news. My best friend is getting remarried and I am so happy for her.  There is one little hiccup in this whole happy ever after week that is now THIS WEEK! I can't believe it is here. I haven't seen her in two years and we live across the country from each other now.  So there is the hiccup...travel.  I have to travel with my three kids who are awesome in the car.  But I am driving to Ohio for an overnight break with family, then the next day will be on to Iowa where we used to live for the wedding.

That my friend, is a lot of miles from my starting point in Southwestern Pennsylvania.  I am mentally preparing for the onslaught of what we parents are used to:

Are we there yet?
I have to pee.
He's touching me.
She's touching my stuff.
When can we eat?

You get it. We've all heard this. I am preparing snacks and such that will not leave Dorito crumbles all over my car and kids. Something to fill them up and be healthy. Now I have seen tons of stuff on Pinterest for travelling with kids. Like this one from kitchenfunwithmy3sons.com

It has been my hope since trying to be the perfect mom to do this one. Which none of us are perfect, but I have moments when I try to do something awesome to amaze my kids. How cool would this be? 

But here is the hard, cold reality of this trip coming up in just a few days as I type this: I don't have the time to get this done.

I am so excited my sister in law and my youngest nephew were here for a long weekend, so I want to be with them. This is my priority.  I have to wash and pack everyone. Plus load some gifts I have been storing away like the little chipmunk who lives under my porch, hoarding things as I find them. You see, I will be busy. Can I take my own advice and carve out the time for a Dollar Tree trip to get something to put this in? I hope so.

I would like to think I would make the chain for each hour of the trip to hang on the back of the chair too for my little guy, I mean how neat is this for the little ones in the car to mark the passing of time? Although, my concern is, will I be asked a thousand times an hour if it is time to take one off? I am afraid it would be. Check out smallfriendly.com for more tips and tricks like the chain below.

Summer is upon us and road trips will abound so I am trying to find everything I can to make this pleasant for us all.  I mean, we are NO stranger to road trips.  I am from Texas and we are always making trips back there and have been for years.  Each year, I try to up my parent game with new ways to keep everyone happy and content and save my sanity by not wrecking my healthy eating...which that alone is hard enough when stopping at travel stops and Combos are calling my name.

As the kids have grown it has gotten easier.  There are tablets and such to keep them entertained. Books are always a staple as are coloring books.  I did get some new travel activities for good prices at Five Below.  I got my son a new Jurassic World activity book along with a new superhero one. Although with two teenagers in the mix now, that won't be an option. But hey, my little guy can still color!

I usually pack a backpack; you know there are tons of ways to re-purpose old school backpacks that are still usable.  We have used them as church bags when the kids were smaller and they make great bags for road trips. They each already have their own bag. I fill it with snacks, juice pouches, water bottle, and whatever age appropriate thing they are into. When my son was small, it consisted of cars, Batman figurines, Iron Man and Spider Man. It also held the ever popular coloring book and crayons. Board books are usually small and I would stuff several in there for him.

As he is now, almost 7 (less than two weeks), it still will have basically the same components, but board books have been replaced by actual books which is awesome. He can practice his reading to me in the car and he stays on top of his reading over the summer months whenever we go somewhere over 30 minutes. If you haven't gotten a backpack in the car full of age appropriate books, I insist you do so immediate. It is a lifesaver. Seriously.

The backpacks are stored easily as well. I try not to bring too much (which never happens). This road trip will be no different as we are going to a wedding.  We will be going out, seeing people we haven't seen in years, the shoes alone for summer outfits, forget about it. I am not even getting into jewelry and other accessories like eye wear.  I mean seriously. 

So with that being said, I hope this post has helped you plan your trip a little better, a little lighter and helps keep you sane during the wonderful summer months where travel is pretty much mandatory. I will let you know if my well laid plans for snacks and paper chain worked or if I even did them. Please pray I do.  I am going to blast 80's on Eight til they beg for mercy.  This is a "No Justin Beiber Zone". Stay smart moms! We are all in this together. We are road warriors and we shall survive!

Trials of the DIY Basketball Lines & a Holiday Well Spent

Over Memorial Day, we decided to jump in feet first and add some fun to our huge driveway.  I mean what is the point if you aren't going to do something cool, right?
I had mentioned it to my husband since the new house has a really nice basketball goal and all of this space.  First, let me say, I do not like doing projects with my husband, Phil.  He gets cranky if you can't mind read. With this being said, after nearly 17 years of marriage, I was preparing myself mentally. This turned out to be, literally, one of the easiest projects even though it was grueling in some ways because of the accuracy needed for the lines of our do-it-yourself-on-a-budget basketball court.  Thank goodness for Phil and his ingenuity. We do not have lots of money; we have to things on a budget and you totally can, too.  The kids were just excited as if we'd had professionals come in to do one...that's what matters.

This was a great way to spend the holiday, remembering those fallen for our freedom, enjoying the beautiful weather and spending quality time making memories with our kids, making something the whole family could enjoy. My husband is sort of a genius with putting things together, of course that comes with his job so he has the right mind-set to build.  We needed all hands on deck to complete this task, so it was good to have the kids participate since we love basketball from a quick game of HORSE to 1 on 1 or 2 on 2, we play.  I didn't do a whole instruction thing with this as there are lots of resources out there for this.

Here is the short version: Phil got the measurements and we got spray paint; we used a chalk line to make the lines before painting. We outlined the chalk line with painter's tape. Note- do it fast because the heat makes the tape not stay sticky long. We sprayed in between the tape and got near perfect lines.  Phil made a cardboard stencil for the arch. Again, genius, no money needed to buy anything fancy. He is pretty impressive sometimes.

I want to make the kind of memories that don't cost money.  You can buy things, but you can't buy memories. I bake with them, play with them, take them to the beach; things like this will last in their heads and mean more in the long run.  The time I spent with them will live in their hearts long after I'm gone. These little yellow lines you see below will give us hours of family time...quality time.
This court was simple for now.  We are already thinking of exploring ways to add on to it for more detail.  For now, they can work on their free throws, three pointers and such at high school regulations.  Hey, if you can make a basket here, you can do it on any little league team, right? This is where you dribble for hours, shoot til your fingers ache. You perfect your game, Championships are made at practice they say.  I can not tell you the hours and hours where I did this. It gets them outside, like we used to be.  Who doesn't want that? And you know what? It is perfect they way it is and I am so proud of my husband for making this for our family. It can be more detailed (I'm sure it will be), but for now...it is AWESOME!

We spent the majority of this long weekend outside.  No electronics. We played and grilled and enjoyed s'mores over the fire pit.  This is real life and what is important to us right now.  Life is coming at us pretty fast with our oldest daughter. I can't slow down time, nor do I want to. It is her time to become a young adult and make something of herself in the world. Later this year we are planning college visits for her, but for now, let's just get in a quick game of HORSE against your old man. They talk trash and have the best time.  It seems like it was just yesterday, she was four and putting in a basket on daddy's shoulders.  This summer is one I want to remember.  The next one won't be so calm.  Senior pictures, college admissions and the like will rule my world.  I have my kids here for just a little longer, and I want them to remember the fun we always have and the fact that this is the stuff money can't buy.  Memories...they cost nothing, but are priceless.

This is our finished project, the dog approved. Not bad for a $15 dollar project that made my son feel like an NBA MVP.

Go make yours!

Trials of Parenting...We are not your friends.

I have heard some people pride themselves on being friends with their kids. Okay, I get it, I love going to hang for a girls' day and get our nails done and maybe stopping for ice cream, but I am not your friend.  I am your parent, and worst of all...I am your mother.
I will gladly ask how the big test in Chemistry went, but I will also tell you your shorts are too short, give you curfews and bedtimes and follow up with consequences if you don't follow my rules.
Rules are done out of love, not to be mean.  I have two teenage daughters whom I love dearly, but I will crack the proverbial whip if you are not ready on time and I refuse to engage in having boyfriends over at inappropriate times, wearing shirts with too much cleavage and enforcing general hygiene (this list could go on for days). Parents who cave in to their kids every whim so that they will like them are not doing the kids any favors.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I am all about a quick bribe to get me through a long day of shopping with my little guy, but if you have a full on meltdown, then, no you will not be getting zip.
I have never been a fan of the "Johnny, now don't you do that", said 42 times with no emphasis or consequence while little Johnny rudely interrupts, knock things over and the like.  You act like that, you are getting into trouble.  We are leaving, conversation over and expect to lose privileges.
On special occasions, I let up on bed time, and by doing this I show that when you follow my rules you get treated with respect and a reward.  If you text when you aren't supposed to, miss curfew (which we have had happen with our oldest daughter now that she is dating) or don't do your chores, you are not getting to go to a friend's house, or you are losing phone privileges, and the dreaded worst of all...getting grounded.
They are called consequences people. Teach them boundaries.  They need to know how to serve themselves properly away from the home, how to ask for things politely and how to respect other's property.  I have even started having them define their own consequences so that still feel that they have a voice and are heard and can have a say as we are a family unit even though I am ruler of the roost. These rules are in place for safety as much as teaching them from an early age what proper behavior is acceptable for dinnertime. There is a whole article devoted to how important rules are by noted expert, Marianne Neifert, M.D  (Parenting Magazine).
More importantly, we all parent differently.  It is certainly not for me to judge what works in your house, but with that being said, don't you dare step into my strappy sandals without that same courtesy.  Our parenting comes from trial and error. I want to raise respectful, caring individuals that are well liked and get along with others.  I DO NOT have to be well liked by my kids.  I must be doing something right if I get an eye roll or exasperated sigh.  These children are the most precious thing on this Earth to me, and I will be dipped in dog doo before become their bestie. Kids embrace rules; it gives them stability and security.
To sum it up, this is not a democracy in my house, this is a parentocracy where I set the rules, enforce them and encourage independence and respect by setting these parameters. I will pump up the music in the kitchen, make cookies and sing along to some crappy Justin Bieber song, but if I look over and the dishwasher hasn't been emptied, it is game over. We are done with  that for now and you will do what you need to do, and we will continue afterwards. Just without the music as a reminder to do what is expected at 13 years old.
There are lots of different opinions on this, but again, what works in one house may not fly in another. Find what works for you, but let's not have your crazy pants kid screaming over you while we try to talk and never offering to help pick up when they come over.
Don't like my style, that is okay, too. But I will tell you this, my kids won't run willy-nilly through your house, stealing candy and breaking other's irreplaceable valuables without a second thought.  So passive parenting and worrying about being the "perfect parent" comes with a cost. You can take that to the bank.