Momtrepreneurs|How to Grow Your Brand thru Social Media

This is the second in a two part series regarding moms with a side business. In my previous article (read it here for all of their fabulous info) we met Courtney and Kayla, both moms with full time jobs, kids and a side business.  What I wanted to do was to see how they balanced life, work and home at various ages and help others who might be wanting to start a sideline business of their own.
Now I want to follow that up with a plan for them that would help increase visibility, increasing their internet sales.  Both businesses can be totally internet based so the sky is the limit. The main thing to remember about social media marketing is that you have to be consistent and share relatable information, not push a sale within each post. Social Media Marketing for business is booming.
See the full article here for the following stats:

"-Mothers with children under the age of five are the most active on social media. (Link Humans)

-90% of young adults (ages 18 to 29) use social media. 35% of those over age 65 do. (Pew Research Center)" - Business2Community (@B2Community), Tom Pick. 

There are several tools that are free that you can take advantage of to manage your social media marketing campaign. Isn't the goal to be efficient but profitable so that you can be the best momtrepreneur that you can be? By using, HooteSuite or Buffer you can manage your social media accounts in one location and schedule out your post days at a time. I even use their apps on my phone. Most of my social media marketing is all mobile. I have used both and find Buffer to be my app of choice.

What followers do not like to see is all self promotion. It has to be shareable content. See something relevant, then share it thru your social media as a bonus post in addition to your scheduled feed. As moms, I like to use Instagram to showcase not only my work, but who I am and why I am relatable. With up to thirty hashtags at your disposal, you can quickly grow and identify your audience. Hot hashtags of #momlife, #mommyproblems or anything kid related will grab followers.  Show cute behind the scenes photos of you working and some with the family. That is who people want to see. Engaging your audience is the key. You have to identify and target your audience.  See my previous article on defining your niche here. Both Courtney and Kayla use those types of pics, but be consistent and add in the variable of sharing other content to your users. For Kayla, find a good boot that you like with your leggings that you sell...share it. Makeup pallete that matches a color scheme on a dress...go for it. For Courtney, find a super cute lip gloss that matches the shade of your sweater for the holidays...bam! Post it.  Have a favorite place you like to go to pamper yourself- retail therapy, dinner, etc...share those places and not pictures of your product. The holidays are coming up and there are countless ways to add this into your post without overly self promoting.  It makes you human. You are sharing other things that you can tie back to your products without too much self promotion . A perfect way to crank out posts without turning off readers.  Maybe even intersperse them with anecdotes for your other jobs.  That makes for good reading and again, why they should share or follow you or BUY from you. Plus, they see you doing this and being a mom and having a full time job...could you be creating sellers to come in under you? Maybe!

Those likes become shares and shares become sales.  With internet sales bigger than ever right now, you have a cash cow at your fingertips. For these two ladies, Instagram and Facebook are the best to use for their businesses. They are both using Facebook, but with a few tweaks could be OWNING Facebook in their areas respectively.

Now that we have established the how, let us specify the what a little more. Graphics, you must have graphics and images. Images with a post get 160% more engagement. (8 Best Practices for Social Media, inbound.li). See their infographic below:

You can see some fabulous tips here for engagement in this infographic to ensure you are making the most of your post! Make a plan on how and what you intend to share, make a folder for content as you run across it and then use it. This is a huge time saver in the long run. Use Canva for making great looking images and graphics. Remember, if you do nothing but self promotion, you will lose followers. According to the folks over on the Hubspot blog,

• Over 20% of respondents said that they would unfollow a brand on both Facebook and Twitter if they believed the content was boring or repetitive.
• Over 15% said they would unfollow a brand on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter if it posted more than six times a day.

So keep it simple, if you follow most of these guidelines, you can have a great additional way to sell your product, make the most of your time and learn how to look like a pro and set yourself apart from your competitors.  In a world where there are many selling similar products, you have to make sure YOURS is the one they buy. It starts with that first peek, so make sure it counts. Presentation is everything. Use hashtags on Instagram to develop and widen your audience, use Canva to create some great images, and share likeable content on Facebook so you have a reason for them to look at your posts. I am here to answer any questions and help. Look at me, I wanted to write and grow my Twitter following. I went from 300 followers to 5000 in 5 months. Read and implement...I did. Use the information that people share and you can replicate an active online campaign to add dollars into your wallet! 

Momtrepreneurs|The New Supermom

Most women with children grown and out on their own raised their kids in a different age. More is expected from us as women, as workers, and as moms.  I have a friend from high school who has accomplished so much for herself and family, and we always kid her about hiding her cape under her clothes. At then end of the day, don't we all let the cape fall to the floor? We are Supermoms. Ready for anything with the touch of the "send" button on our smartphones. From closing the big deal at work to remembering to bake something for a class party, we do it.  Tirelessly, and without fail. Well, almost without fail. We have all forgotten a party here or there. We feel awful about it. However, tighten your cape and move on. It isn't the end of the world.
We have entered another era, the Era of the Momtrepreneurs, the new breed of Supermom. They are really the ones who I cannot believe how they do so much.  Balancing work, home, children, husband and run their own business. I have asked two moms of different ages, a twenty something and a thirty something to answer a few questions in a brief interview on how in the world they juggle all of this madness? In doing this, I will see how my findings in helping mom bloggers, can be translated to these businesses to build their social media presence online.
Kayla Wakefield, a preschool teacher by day, entrepreneur by night and mom around the clock has a thriving business for LuLaRoe, a comfy and fashionably trendy clothing line. It takes planning and time to slot herself into the many facets of the person she needs to be depending on the time of day and what she is doing. The other, our first time mom, Courtney Tompkins, a multi business owning mom, with a hashtag #landlordlife, that will keep you in stitches, not only has a real estate business with her husband, she runs a very profitable business by Perfectly Posh, a natural skin and body care company.
Both ladies are internet based mainly, and in today's age that has replaced the home party. Long gone are the days of showing up and actually visiting with girlfriends while we look at Lia Sophia jewelry and drink cocktails. But with that being gone, we can shop and sell in our pj's if we want to. With a click of a mouse through Facebook, these ladies are doing their best to get it done to make substantial extra income and better quality of life for their families. What women inspire me? These women. Real women with real issues in today's ever changing internet world of work from home businesses.
I put some questions to these ladies to see how they do it and you can judge if being a Momtrepreneur is right for you.

1. How do you find balance between work, home and side business?
KW: Finding balance between work and being a mom is sometimes difficult. At moments I get caught up in work, especially being a full time preschool teacher I am always bringing lesson plans and activities home with me to prepare for the next day.  When I work on LuLaRoe, I get jammed up with the purchases, pulling orders, and making sure I am taking care of my hostesses.
However, it is important to understand your children comes first! What a great blessing it is to have a companion who is supportive, and takes on all the responsibilities of the parent when I am occupied with LuLaRoe.  Luckily, I have a wonderful lady who watches my child while I am away teaching my preschoolers.  With these two combinations I am able to have time for my little boy.
CT: Balance is an every day challenge. Some days I’m a great mom and we do crafts & play at the park. Some days I rock out my project to do list and get a ton of work done. Some days I clean the house and make an amazing dinner. I can’t do all those things the same day though! So I try to prioritize my little one and remember she matters most, then I try to be as efficient as possible when she is sleeping or playing on her own. And then I TRY to give myself grace when I’m frustrated because I can’t do all things amazingly well the same day.
2. How do you see your businesses growing in the next 3 years?
KW: I would love to see my business grow even more than it has over the last three months. Within the next three years I want to grow my customer base, increase the amount of inventory I carry, and potentially have a LuLaRoe Closet allowing people to come shop from inside my home.  Also, become a sponsor by building up my own team, and helping them through the LuLaRoe journey.
CT: My Perfectly Posh business is taking off because more and more people are paying attention to what’s IN the products they put on their body (and therefore IN their body) so people are flocking to these affordable products.  Our real estate business keeps growing as we work hard to create beautiful family homes.

3. What do you use to promote your businesses?

KW: I use a variety to means to promote my business with the biggest one being Facebook.  I have my own group page on Facebook to post and share LuLaRoe clothing, and any exciting announcements I may have.  This is also where most of the claiming of inventory is taken place. Within Facebook, I have begun using the Facebook Live feature to hold sales with new inventory. Once the live sale is finished, I take pictures and post the new inventory in albums with the rest of the inventory. Having hostesses for each LuLaRoe party is a huge one as well, and brings in outside customers.  Another method of promotion are my business cards and self-advertisement. I use myself as a walking billboard.  I am always wearing at least one item of LuLaRoe daily, and when people comment on my outfit I tell them all about LuLaRoe while handing them a business card.  

CT: All three of my businesses are driven by word of mouth and social media. We get so many amazing referrals for rental homes, homes to buy, graphic design and marketing needs and skin care and pampering. I am sooo grateful to those who trust me with their business enough to refer friends. I do some boosted posts on Facebook and I also use Facebook, Instagram just to build our brands and credibility.

4. What would you like to learn about social media marketing to grow your businesses?

KW: I would love to know if there is anything else I could use besides Facebook, or even other features within Facebook, I could use to draw in more LuLaRoe customers.  Also, if there are other means to which I can post inventory for online parties.  

CT: I feel like it’s a constant learning process to outsmart the algorithms to get content seen and interacted with. Any tips and tricks for improving interaction and engagement are always appreciated!

5. What is the best part of being a momtrepreneur?

KW: Working as an independent consultant for the company LuLaRoe is in itself amazing.  I love the clothing, the way it makes me feel, and I thoroughly enjoy helping others find clothing they would love.  It excites me when customers post pictures of themselves wearing the clothing, and how much they love LuLaRoe. Having the flexibility to make my own schedule, and how to invest in my company is an empowering feeling.  Though I am still new to the business, I would eventually love to make this my full time job and spend even more time with my little boy.  

CT: I love having the flexibility to be with my munchkin when she needs me most. Some days she just needs mommy and work can wait til she’s asleep. I feel incredibly blessed to have the type of businesses I do that allow my family to come first. Also, she’s learning so much. She’ll know all kinds of house repair and good design tips at a young age, and she’s totally in love with Posh soaps and bubble bath!

They surely have a cape tucked in close to give them the momentum needed to accomplish so much for themselves and their family. As a growth hacker for mom bloggers, I also can give insights from my findings to these ladies to help increase their sales and develop their business leads through social media.

This will be the first of a two part series. My next installment will be reviewing these comments and find a plan to help them increase and build their social media marketing presence. Make sure to follow along to see if these tips will help you in your business. Thanks to Kayla and Courtney for some awesome answers and sharing their business info with me.

Find more on these businesses featured in my article:

LuLaRoe:

 Kayla Wakefield

Kayla's LuLaRoe Facebook Page

Perfectly Posh:

 Courtney Tompkins

facebook.com/perfectlyposhiniowa

Courtney's Facebook Group

AtHomeInCentralIowa.com

facebook.com/centraliowarealestate

JustCourtney.com

facebook.com/justCourtneyProductions

3 Little Tips, 3 Big Time Savers for Back to School

Back to school...at last. Sometimes everyone is just ready to go back. The break was awesome and we had a great summer, but the everyday structure sometimes is a welcome blessing in spite of the hectic schedule that school and fall activities bring.
Here are my top three tips for getting back to school on schedule with no trips on the crazy train.  Three little steps, three big time savers for the back to school madness.
1. We pick out all outfits for the week on Sunday afternoon.  In the front of the closet you will have them all on hangers with shoes for the outfits as well. Done deal. No muss no fuss. This shaves time off of your busy morning and saves everyone's sanity as well.
2. The first week of school, I like to be memorable and special.  I always make pancake muffins with sausage bites inside. They are fun and easy to warm up. I prepare these on the last Sunday before school as well. They are all cooked and ready to go, again, saving you precious time and helps to keep you sane and the kids are happy.
Recipe for pancake muffins:
Mix up as much pancake batter as you like.
I warm up turkey sausage links (your choice) and cut into pieces to tuck into batter once inside a greased muffin tin. Cook at 375 degrees for 12 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. I made the jumbo muffins this time as you can see.

3. Find somewhere to keep your backpacks. Hooks, shelf, cubbies whatever you want...just do it. Lunchboxes are hung on the outside of ours with backpacks on hooks under the chore board. So when you come home and hang up your things, a.) you know where everything is and b.) you have no excuse for missing any chores that need to be done.
Organize, plan and organize some more. It will help make everyone happy. You know what they say, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." BE A HAPPY MOMMA!

The Last First Time|Senior Year

The last first time.  There are a lot of these as our children grow up. The last first time they ride rear facing in a car seat. The last first day of preschool. There are many of these moments and most we do without thought because we don't realize that they are the last time. Like when we washed their hair for them.  Do you really remember when it was? Probably not, because in a moment, like a flash, they just did it for themselves.  When you look back, you probably will do it right now, trying to think on when you did. Sad, right? Do you even know? I was struck with the hardest one as a parent that we deal with on Monday. The Last First Day of School. Senior Year. Ahead of schedule.

My oldest daughter won't be 16 until mid August; she would normally have been a junior. Due to her hard choice of course work, she is going to graduate early. We knew it was possible last year, but she didn't want to do it. Now though, she is terribly excited and decided just this last week to do it after speaking with her principal and counselor.  It is staggering the fast track we start planning for: senior picture for the yearbook, ACT registration and early admissions are due soon for a few of the colleges she is interested in. I was not mentally prepared for this onslaught of emotion that crept up on me as we plan for high school graduation.

I stood in my kitchen this morning, still giddy with the success of a huge interview I had posted yesterday with one of the top Social Media Influencers, and I stopped cold.  Out of nowhere, I thought of the first day of school this year.  It will be her last, first day picture. The last first time she picks out a back to school outfit. The last first day of school breakfast. The last first day of school. Period.  College doesn't count in this.  She will be an adult.  This will not be the same for for any of us. There will still be pictures, yes, but those childhood photos are coming to a close.  Every time she does something this year it is the last time. The last Homecoming, the last Spirit Week, the last Ugly Christmas Sweater Day, the last Prom. Thank goodness for getting to go as a sophomore. I will get the standard two, which makes me feel a little better. I then think of all the wonderful firsts that are ahead and I am excited. But for now, I want time to stop. And that is okay.  I want to relish the moments we have right now and not rush a darn thing.

I look back and I think to myself, on one hand, I am so proud of her achievements. She is so bright and ambitious.  She has wanted to be a doctor since the fourth grade.  She has met that challenge head on and I have no doubt that this child will change the world. But this, my first born, wreaked havoc on me a little bit on the scale of emotional registry this week. Things that I had put off because I was waiting until next year to worry about them; I have to meet these demons head on and prepare this girl for college. I am terrified. I am proud. I am happy. I am sad.  She gets her driver's license in a week or so and a diploma in few months. That rattles me. Some would say, "She's too young to do that." I tell those people this,  "You don't know my daughter".  She is driven, mature and has a good head on her shoulders. She has been preparing for this for the last three years and is an "A" honor student. She is as ready as she is going to be. I have raised an intelligent, passionate, beautiful girl and I will turn her over to the semi-adult world of college next year.  We are at the jumping off point. It is scary, but I will come to terms with it because she is ready. So I have to be, too.

I think where did the little girl in pig tails go? She hasn't really gone anywhere, she is still here. Still my baby. My first born. She made me a mom. Gone are the pig tails, and I still don't know when I did her hair in them the last time. It was the blink of an eye. A moment that slipped through the cracks with out any fanfare, or recognition, or grief of its loss. What I will hold on to a little tighter this year, her Senior Year, is the last first time of everything this year.  The last first time she gets up for her first day of regular school and all the others this year will be documented a little closer, even more so than my usual hoard of photos, and cry and laugh and be proud all at the same time. The last first time she gets a first day of school picture will be the hardest for me I think. I have two others coming up the line here in school and don't get me wrong, I cherish each moment of all three of them. This moment in time is hers alone, just like it will be for the second child in a few more years...and I do it again. The worst one? Probably the baby. It is already the last of first times for him in everything. The end of me doing all of those mommy things that we read and write about. An entire new chapter in their lives to cherish. For my oldest, it's the end of an era, but the beginning of the rest of her life and I will hold her hand every step of the way as long as she lets me.

Niche Marketing for the Mommy Blogger

When I first started writing years ago before Sex and the City even came out, it was a fun hobby. Then Sarah Jessica Parker made it seems like this was an actual job that I could do. I kept it on the sideline. Then came marriage, a baby, another baby and so on.  It was put on the back burner while I pursued a career in Operations Management running other people’s companies for them. I reveled in the fabulousness of Carrie Bradshaw until she went off the air and enjoyed reruns and movies and pretended one day when I grow up (then at age 40 in 2014), that I would do this thing they call writing.  I had been sitting on a book idea for a while and thought this needs to be told.  Friends were told about it, loving it, and I was encouraged. I started writing on paper in a notebook in July of 2015 and have been ever since.  I have also tried my hand in the past few months at blogging. Blogging is way harder than you think. I want to make some money doing what I love, being available for my kids while my husband travels for work, and gaining a presence online that will be helpful in getting a book deal. Let’s face it though, I’m no Carrie Bradshaw, but I am embracing this new chapter in life.

What else am I learning as mom in the chapter of life?

1. You must learn something new weekly if not daily.

2. You must find a niche. Key word in our business.

I was struggling with that until I saw that a lot of mom’s blogs and how to build these blogs, but in a mom blog over saturation, most can’t be heard above the noise.  It is the retelling of the same old thing. First time mothers are looking for support everywhere, I did.  But those like me now, with three children...that’s really not where I am. I love talking with other moms, finding what works for them and trying it for myself. A lot just..aren’t. They didn’t invent the wheel and aren’t going to gain my readership because they aren’t giving me new information where I can grow as a parent. How to build a successful readership? Experts all say, “Define your audience.” Words like, “niche marketing” are everywhere. What I am closing in on, is the growth hacking mom. I myself want to read articles that teach me something or shed new light on a subject.  You can write about diaper duty all that you want, but why should we listen to you? Most are not defining that. They crank some articles out with some success, but in the long run can you make that switch to the Big Time? They aren’t honing in on what specific tip makes them better.  I think I can combine my success in my growth hacking blog and cross over into my mom blog universe. If DC and Marvel can do it, then so can I. This is my world for right now, and even though I struggle for my place in the online world, I am evolving. Listening. Participating. Learning. I can shed some light onto this mom blog arena. I think I can be of use, not in writing every little family antidote, but helping shape others into powerful bloggers with a few growth hacking tweaks into their niche, to market themselves better. See below for just a few of the stats you are up against in this mom blog world.

Click The Rise of the Mommy Blogger

                                 for more stats by Sam Laird.

I am a long way from being a blogging niche marketing success story. I have lots to learn, and I want to be involved in writing so I can be present for my children. I may not sit at my lap top with a view out of a brownstone like Carrie, wondering if I should call my editor back yet or go for cocktails, but I have a great view of my backyard with my son and my very own Mr. Big, playing baseball.  That call from the editor, it will come.  I will make it happen.  And when I do, I will be wearing my Manolo Blahniks just like Carrie. I want to do what I love. What I love, is to tell a good story, offer some advice and encourage those who can’t find it in themselves to push forward in their struggles. Now I am here, on The Huffington Post. I plan writing the way I have been doing it so far... one story at a time. I love interacting with other moms; it keeps me sane the way no amount of coffee can. It is a crazy life, but I love it. Making the money at writing will come.  I may be on to this whole niche marketing thing; then again it may be a bust. However, I have some huge social media influencers with over 130K followers that are taking note and retweeting my growth blog posts which is a huge growth factor. Read these influencers tweets and check them out. They know what they are doing.(https://twitter.com/Sam___Hurley). He even suggested this niche market for me so I can weed out the mom blog since the growth hacking blog is blowing up so... I have found my niche! Right now, I am more proud of my growth and what I am doing than any multi-million dollar deal I ever closed. The best part? I am not making a dime, but I am rich in self worth.  I am here for my children and someone else isn’t raising them for me. Now that, is something far more valuable than money.

Death is Imminent: 2 Ingredient DIY Ant Killer

Photo:Unsplash.com via David Higgins

Dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants...you know you just sang that in your head to the tune of the Pink Panther. Now that I have you in the right frame of mind...I don't care where you live, summertime brings ants not to just the proverbial picnic, but in the house.  I grew up in the country. In Texas.  Ants come in every year without fail. We start putting everything in the fridge like a safe house for food.  It got crowded in there. You can't find anything.  Chips are cold...gross.

Now that I am a mom, I try tricks to help other mothers out.  That's what I do here. I have kids and a dog-kid.  I don't like the smell of harmful ant spray much less have it cover surfaces that any of them may touch. So I checked the internet and voila! I found something. It tried it. On to the results...please read everything as most of the recipes I found did not work and I changed up something and this made all the difference!!

Easy Steps and Ingredients:

Ingredients:
Equal parts baking soda and powdered sugar

Materials:
Scissors
Several water bottles

1. Determine where you want to put these traps because that will determine how many bottles you need.  I used the recycled plastic kind that make the worst noise and the ones kids like to crush so that they can hear it.  They were easy to cut.  I cut them about three fingers width from the bottom.  I made four to see how it goes.

2. Most directions I read varied a bit and most said to add water to the mix.

I TRIED THIS AND IT DID NOT WORK. IT MADE A PASTE AND SAT FOR A WEEK WITH NO HELP IN THE DEATH OF THESE LITTLE JERKS!

3. Using equal parts, I put about a fingers width deep of baking soda and powder sugar. NO WATER.

4. Place in high traffic ant party zones.  For me, I did the pantry, by the dog food (area) (she never looked twice at this thing). By one of the windows in the kitchen. Downstairs bathroom in a corner by the window.

These little punks run straight into the mixture and some never made it out alive. The key is the can't tell the sugar from the baking soda and that is what kills them. The gas created by the baking soda.

This is what twenty minutes after being on the floor looked like. Death to the ants.

So there you have it. Simple post today, but what a time and money saver this is. I wish I had known this years ago. Get up and go make your own little death traps! Get them out of your house.  I read lots of recipes out there and I saved you the trouble of finding the right one. I am so sweet! Once they got into the marshmallow bag...it was on. No one gets in my marshmallows. No one. Die ants, die.

How the Word "Divorce" Saved My Marriage

I think that if you are going to write about things that people can connect with and relate to, it is going to be from your very soul.  Fluff isn't going to cut it.  There are mom blogs out there that are a dime a dozen.  They are everywhere.  On my rookie growth hacking blog, I did a post about how to be heard over the noise.  That blog is called Growth Pixie and you can find it on my website. but I am not here to cross promote myself.  I am trying to reach out to you because I think as a whole our society depends too much on phones that never leave our hands, much less our sides.  I think it is hindering a whole generation of people who do not know how to communicate. They text, they snapchat and they DM, what they do not do, is talk.  We all did. I had my own phone line. It was awesome. I have always been comfortable speaking in front of crowds, TV interviews whatever it is...I don't get worked up. It is my thing and I am grateful. I am a communications specialist and teaching people how to communicate effectively is part of what I do.  So when things got going rough in my marriage and I tried to communicate with my husband, I shut down. Because he did. Most men can't talk to you. They get the dead eyes and don't want to be talked to.  Women are just better at it and that's the truth. We can talk to each other about anything, anywhere. That is what I am doing here today.

My marriage was never some freaking Cinderella story, but it wasn't bad either. We had three great kids and tons of friends. The summer of 2014 was different. Our kids went for three weeks to stay with relatives in Ohio, we did nothing.  Like nothing.  It was sad.  We didn't even go out at night to a dinner or anything. We come home, make dinner. I go run. He watched TV. I even told him, and I remember clearly, "If this is what it will be like when the kids grow up and move out, we are in trouble."  We had lost our connection. there was no spark.  Sex was never bad, just not frequent, It wasn't a necessity. It wasn't something we focused on anymore.  Someone who tell that you sex isn't everything, is obviously not getting it regular. Sorry, but it is true.  Intimacy is something we all crave. We need the closeness of it all stay bonded to one another. Marriage has many facets that are needed to make it work; this is an important foundation element that we lacked.  Without intimacy, we lose that bond and connection.  A kiss when you come home. A hug. A touch on the arm. Hold hands. It is simplistic, but so many of us are in this same boat and that is why I am writing this.  I got fed up and a few months later after weeks of soul searching I had to make a change.  I was turning 40 and I didn't want to live my life with a roommate. I wanted to be with a partner, my husband. We all work, have kids, football practice, gymnastics, and the like. I get that. But some of us struggle with all of that and become complacent.  We take each other for granted. You can't do that. My husband had figured out that I would never do anything about it other than "gripe" as he put it and then go on and nothing would change.  I had to be the change.  I got the guts up and calmly told him I wanted a divorce. I think that this blew his mind more than anything, because I was so calm. No tears...nothing. I had already left in my mind once I had made the decision.  As much as I hated divorce, and I didn't wanted my kids to not grow up like that, I realized it was much worse for them to witness a marriage where people were no more more than roommates. They needed a good example of a loving marriage. My husband came from a divorced home and he did not get these same examples and he was almost impossible to live with at first. I grew up in a loving home and took that for granted and did change him somewhat; he came around but intimacy was always hard for him. But I wanted more.  I wanted to feel butterflies when he walked in the door like some of my friends. The length of marriage does not make that fade; it was all around me and I was jealous. I wanted to want him, and him to want me.  That is how it should be.
It was ugly. He was mad.  He was hurt.  He had taken me for granted in so many ways. He begged me to give him some time and see if it changed my mind if we could work on things. Not just days, but months.  I was hesitant and really did not see the point, but I agreed to that. My husband started actually listening to what I was saying. We went on dates. We began to listen to each other more.  We talked more. We began to focus on our intimacy together and it was amazing.  We were a "we" once again.

That was the fall of 2014 and this is now and it is still great. Sometimes people don't listen through all of the noise; you think that your spouse is nagging. But stop and really listen. If it is important enough for them to express it to you, then listen to them.  Really listen.  It could save your marriage. This is just what I experienced and if it helps one person out then I did a good thing.  Sometimes people are scared to share things. I am a writer so there is no such thing. Listen to your spouse with your heart, not your ear... like my grandmother always told me.  It makes a difference in the balance of your relationship.  We have kids, we work, we are tired. Even a half hour of intimacy is so worth it; it makes you feel better and keeps you connected. Hold hands on the couch or when you walk into a store. Kiss goodnight and all that mushy stuff we read about. The moment you lose that, speak up...don't wait. Make them understand you and be heard. Remember you married them for a reason; when in doubt of that...remember why you did. Don't let it get to that jumping off point. Listen and be heard. Simple advice for a
complicated subject.