Life Lessons: Bullying & How I Taught My Child They Are Not Alone

I have three children if you are new to my blog.  I have an almost 16 year old (Lord, help me), a 13 year old and a seven year old.  They are all very different. I love them unconditionally.  What I want to share with you is something that happens a lot in the past few years and is escalating. Bullying. I had it hit home with me last year with my 13 year old. Her best friend here is now being bullied by other girls who claim to be her friend.  One of them has been friends with her since she was in second grade.  Where is the loyalty? What is wrong with these children? One thing I see clearly that I want to share with you that may help you or someone you know, don't depend on the school for help.

Before we get into the "why" of that statement let me tell you what I won't do...call up some kid's parents and complain.  Nope. Don't do that. This is what I am seeing from my own experience in the workplace, this 20-30 age bracket right now can't function and want to be spoon fed information when that they need to do is troubleshoot and figure it out before yelling "Help!" I mean I have everything you could ever want for every thing imaginable in a manual just in case. They can't even look at it! They don't and won't. I have had in happen over and over in the work place.  Parents are bailing their kids out of troubles of all kinds left and right. Why? Can't they make mistakes and fall on their faces? We did. We learned a lot from trial and error.  These are life lessons that we need to be teaching them. I am not saying I would not intervene if it was serious, but these kids are disrespectful and depend on their parents to save them.  

When my daughter was being bullied at school last fall, I told her to talk to her counselor.  She did. the counselor called in her friends separately and got statements. They all matched.  Nothing was done.  It continued.  I told her to go back to the counselor and I would follow up if needed. She spoke to her counselor at school once more and I got a phone call. She was handling it and told me that the teachers would be told in case they noticed anything they could help out. Well, guess what? The teachers weren't told diddly crap. I found out because I asked them during conferences.  The saddest part of all...this girl doing the bullying...she was a CHEERLEADER! A school representative that probably had some moral code to upkeep. The most aggravating part was this...the teachers were not shocked. Not one bit. Seems Little Miss Angry Pants has been the thorn in many a girl's and boy's side. Sooooooo, we allow children to do this. Where is the Zero Tolerance Policy? It is not being upheld.  Luckily we moved just two weeks after that, but that doesn't help the countless others left in her wake. Here are some facts about bullying:

1. Over 3.2 million students are victims of bullying each year. 
2. Approximately 160,000 teens skip school every day because of bullying.
3. 1 in 4 teachers see nothing wrong with bullying and will only intervene 4% of the time.

(dosomething.org) for their full list and how you can help.

Which brings me to her friend. This little gal had trouble last fall as well at the school my daughter now attends as well.  Things got so bad I heard that her mother had to go to the Administration building because nothing was being done about the situation. Why is this not being nipped in the bud? Why is this even a thing? This wasn't an issue when we grew up. I don't get it.  Who is to blame? I think there are a lot of factors. But I won't point the finger of blame.

Let me tell you what I will do...I will advocate for my children.  I will let them learn to handle things first and try their best so that as a parent, I do not get involved.  It will help them be self sufficient and learn to troubleshoot.  This is a social and life skill that I see failing so much that 20-somethings are entering the workplace and flake out because they don't know how to troubleshoot due to mommy and daddy did everything for them. I want my children to be strong adults with coping mechanisms.

So yes, I will jump in, but ONLY if absolutely necessary.  This is where the rubber meets the road...these parents? The ones that start dialing teachers and schools right out of the chute? They are the ones that look crazy more often than not (speaking from my experience) their kids are the ones whose doorstep the trouble can be traced back to.  You know that old phrase, "guilty dog barks first"? It was created for a reason...most often times it is true.  That isn't always true, but I am not going to defend the statement. This also has caused teachers to turn a deaf ear on most cases because they hear too much too often. So stop calling over every little thing. Try talking to your children. It helps everyone involved.

Most of you parents should get the point I am trying to make.

• We have to let our children make mistakes and learn from them. 
• We have to guide them on how to solve their problems, not solve the problems for them.
• We have to counsel them on the right and wrongs of social skills and settings; these life lessons are so crucial.
• We have to be mindful of children's feelings an teach them to do the same for others.

I could go on and make a list a mile long.  I have spent some time working in school with children so that I can have more time for my own. This is what I have learned and seen that as parents, that needs to be addressed to stamp out this epidemic of bullying. I love my kids and will fight to death for them if needed, but we are raising some weak minded, disrespectful kids. I hate to see bullying in our schools; if you see it, do what you can to help. As parents, it is up to us to stop it. It starts in the home.

Why did I write this article? I say in my Growth Pixie blog the importance of identifying a problem, and how to solve it. That is what readers want.  This is why I wrote this story:
My daughter learned to not be afraid. She is very timid by nature. She learned to advocate for herself. They expect a lot out of them as they get older in school.  She learned that she is not alone and that there are others who can help; you just have to look hard sometimes.

• You need to learn to talk to adults about problematic situations of any kind. 
• She learned that it is okay to seek help and that there are people here to help. (Like her teachers that once they were told, kept a closer eye on the situation.)
• I talked to her about situations of many kinds so that she learned the difference between dangerous situations and her safety and those that she could turn to her counselor for help.
• I have created a child that can talk to me about anything and everything and that she does not have to be afraid. She is not alone. None of them are. 
• You have to have open communications. No child should suffer alone in the darkness that they have created for themselves.

I am not perfect nor are my children, but as parents we have to share valuable information and insights to help one another, not tear each other down. Talk to your children and talk to each other. We are all in this together, this shaping of the next generation.  This change, it starts with us.