I have heard some people pride themselves on being friends with their kids. Okay, I get it, I love going to hang for a girls' day and get our nails done and maybe stopping for ice cream, but I am not your friend. I am your parent, and worst of all...I am your mother.
I will gladly ask how the big test in Chemistry went, but I will also tell you your shorts are too short, give you curfews and bedtimes and follow up with consequences if you don't follow my rules.
Rules are done out of love, not to be mean. I have two teenage daughters whom I love dearly, but I will crack the proverbial whip if you are not ready on time and I refuse to engage in having boyfriends over at inappropriate times, wearing shirts with too much cleavage and enforcing general hygiene (this list could go on for days). Parents who cave in to their kids every whim so that they will like them are not doing the kids any favors.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I am all about a quick bribe to get me through a long day of shopping with my little guy, but if you have a full on meltdown, then, no you will not be getting zip.
I have never been a fan of the "Johnny, now don't you do that", said 42 times with no emphasis or consequence while little Johnny rudely interrupts, knock things over and the like. You act like that, you are getting into trouble. We are leaving, conversation over and expect to lose privileges.
On special occasions, I let up on bed time, and by doing this I show that when you follow my rules you get treated with respect and a reward. If you text when you aren't supposed to, miss curfew (which we have had happen with our oldest daughter now that she is dating) or don't do your chores, you are not getting to go to a friend's house, or you are losing phone privileges, and the dreaded worst of all...getting grounded.
They are called consequences people. Teach them boundaries. They need to know how to serve themselves properly away from the home, how to ask for things politely and how to respect other's property. I have even started having them define their own consequences so that still feel that they have a voice and are heard and can have a say as we are a family unit even though I am ruler of the roost. These rules are in place for safety as much as teaching them from an early age what proper behavior is acceptable for dinnertime. There is a whole article devoted to how important rules are by noted expert, Marianne Neifert, M.D (Parenting Magazine).
More importantly, we all parent differently. It is certainly not for me to judge what works in your house, but with that being said, don't you dare step into my strappy sandals without that same courtesy. Our parenting comes from trial and error. I want to raise respectful, caring individuals that are well liked and get along with others. I DO NOT have to be well liked by my kids. I must be doing something right if I get an eye roll or exasperated sigh. These children are the most precious thing on this Earth to me, and I will be dipped in dog doo before become their bestie. Kids embrace rules; it gives them stability and security.
To sum it up, this is not a democracy in my house, this is a parentocracy where I set the rules, enforce them and encourage independence and respect by setting these parameters. I will pump up the music in the kitchen, make cookies and sing along to some crappy Justin Bieber song, but if I look over and the dishwasher hasn't been emptied, it is game over. We are done with that for now and you will do what you need to do, and we will continue afterwards. Just without the music as a reminder to do what is expected at 13 years old.
There are lots of different opinions on this, but again, what works in one house may not fly in another. Find what works for you, but let's not have your crazy pants kid screaming over you while we try to talk and never offering to help pick up when they come over.
Don't like my style, that is okay, too. But I will tell you this, my kids won't run willy-nilly through your house, stealing candy and breaking other's irreplaceable valuables without a second thought. So passive parenting and worrying about being the "perfect parent" comes with a cost. You can take that to the bank.
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